Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
