This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
foreskin is a definite game changer
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
