Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize