plz talk dirty to me
wrigley field is MILF paradise
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
