If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
