My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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