im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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