I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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