We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
