I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize