Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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