I'm so fucking centered right now
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
