Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
