i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Randomize
