singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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