obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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