apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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