I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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