He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
