what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
