His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize