problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize