no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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