I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
