I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize