All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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