Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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