she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
