Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
What a dumb baby whore.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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