let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
