1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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