There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
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