mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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