his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
