I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Randomize
