Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
