It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
