I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
