Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
