This girl is more easily done than said...
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
