i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
My dick has a subreddit
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
