Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
