my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize