1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Randomize
