Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
