3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
