He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
