Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
