no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
