I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
