Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
