strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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