you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize