I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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