Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize
