My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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