Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
