There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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