im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
It's rum buckets o'clock
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
