the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize