Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
