Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize