i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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