She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
