first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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