On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize