My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
